My Second Day Without You

 

Every day I have had a reason to get out of bed. Not work or anything like that, I mean a reason, a purpose for me. The dogs, the children and Cola.

The dogs are gone, just Snowy left and she is the quietest most undemanding dog I have ever had in my life. The children are adults and now Cola is gone.

This morning was the weirdest feeling in the world. 

Cola was always the first thought of my day and I didn't realise that until this morning. Before I got out of bed my thoughts were of him, when I would go down to see him, what was the weather like, did he want to go out or stay in, what were other people doing with their horses, what time do I bring him in.....

The horror of life without him is starting to dawn on me.

Then I saw this from John Bride.

Angel card of the day

Today is a time to take stock of what you have in your life that you are grateful for. Life recently has been more than turbulent and we can find ourselves replaying the story; memory and worries that only in time create even more of the same situations.
To create harmony in our world we need to create a sense of appreciation for what surrounds us. Feel the happiness you have for this day, your family, children, friends and so forth. Spirit and those you love in the spirit world also ask you today to Remind yourself of the good times; replay the happiness you shared, find true joy in the memories of love you had and have. It will shift your life from worry to wellness, it will create a positive outlook that will allow you and those you love to flourish and grow; in doing this you’ll know better days are coming for all

Such a great message.

Be thankful.

My letter to Cola in Heaven;

My dearest dearest boy,

Thank you for sharing your beautiful life with me. Your sense of humour, your love and gentle ways. Your patience and compassion.

I know I always whispered to you "I love you, have a good day" as I turned you out and I loved tacking you up and walking out with you I loved your reaction to everything you saw, I noticed it all.

You are my bestest friend in the world and I will never get used to life without you but I know that you are there on a different plane, young again free of pain, no more grey hairs or itchy skin when your coat changed with the seasons.

I loved you like you were part of me, more than that, you were the best part of me.

Always there for me when I needed you, no words required just a connection of two souls.

I love you, I love you, I love you and love never ever dies. I will miss you forever but we will meet again one day in a better place.

Just thank you Cola. Thank you for coming into my life, Thank you for all of the lessons you taught me. Thank you for being my reason why. Thank you for loving me no matter what and thank you for being able to be yourself with me - no acts no pretence.

I will always be grateful for the random way you came into my life and filled my heart with the deepest love.

I love you, have a good day my boy.

Mum xx

I Started Today Without You

 

Rare picture of me and my boy

Today I started my first day in many years without my boy, my darling, beautiful boy. 

To say it was hard is an understatement, I feel as though my soul has been ripped from my body. I feel broken and empty.

Today I had to organise the collection of my boy's body. Thank goodness my husband was around to do all of this for me because I honestly don't think I could have coped.

Why have I started this blog? Good question.

I think it's my way of healing. My way of keeping my boy alive.

Her Majesty the Late Queen once said "Grief is the price we pay for love" and she was right.

It was an honour and a privilage to have shared so much of my life with this precious soul. Anyone who met him will agree he was pretty special, practically human.

We had this ability to communicate with each other but without words. I always knew what he wanted, when he was cross with me, when he was "sweet talking" me or when he wanted to me to do something for me. It was a strong close bond.

Towards the end of his life I missed riding him but I didn't want to over burden his joints which were arthritic. A small sacrifice for the pony I loved with all of my heart. Love doesn't die, it continues and will remain in my heart until....

Yes I do believe the above photograph is true. Our paths crossed all those years ago by chance, just because my best friend was a member of a group and knew I was considering a family pony and a member of said group knew her first pony was looking for a good home and because everyone (practically everyone) in the group knew and loved Cola.

He came into my life and gave me peace. He was my sanctuary. He was my home.

Now he has gone.

I wasn't ready to let him go but although his spirit wanted to stay with me, his body was tired and ready. I had to listen to him and do what he asked of me despite my selfish desire to keep him alive.

Then I saw the quote below;

To place your horse's need for you to let him leave his failing body above your need to keep him with you - that - is the greatest and purest love.

Cynthia Garrett