Acceptance

This was Cola taken last year, doesn't he look amazing! 

He had just had an episode of being not able to get up in his field and I thought it was his time. 

Then later on that year he was telling me he was in pain so vet consult and put him on a lifelong dose of anti inflammatories - all good.

Winter came, we got through it but until I looked at this photo today I didn't realise he had oedema. See his front shoulders? He had balls of fluid there, more on one side than the other. The vet pointed out another area of fluid on his belly along with his very swollen sheath.

Looking back at this photo, I know he hadn't yet lost all of his winters coat but he didn't look like this.

I think now that there must have been alot more going on with his old body than I thought. I was so used to caring for him, upping the care gradually and now I look back I can see just how much I had to do in order for him to keep happy.

The good thing about what happened is that he didn't suffer, he wasn't in pain.

He was surrounded by everyone on the yard who loved him, he ate a whole tub of his treats, carrots and loads of love. He wasn't happy about the vet turning up but he never was. He passed quickly and with dignity.

After an afternoon on the hill surrounded by animals which distracted me from my grief and then having talked to my friend Tena tonight I felt a shift in the balance of things. I felt release.

Cola has been released from his old and pained body and he was / is at peace.